Erinn SouleDomestic Violence Hurts
March 20th 2008 18:39
Domestic Violence is a widespread problem throughout the United States. It is estimated that around 960,000 women have been involved in some type of domestic violence with their current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend per year.
What is alarming about this, besides the large number, is that these women and men go back to these abusive partners most of the time. Thirty percent of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year, thirty percent!
Domestic violence is a lot like drug abuse, it is a hard habit to break. Most women and men feel that they are able to change the behavior of their partner. Some feel as though they have "made" their spouse or significant other this way, caused them to be abusive. And many are just too fearful to leave or report it.
Domestic violence is a way for the person to gain authority, to feel in control. What women and men do not realize is that it is their own insecurities that cause this behavior. If you are with a partner that suffered abuse as a child, there is a likely chance that he will abuse you or your children, it is a vicious cycle that left untreated can sometimes become deadly.
Behind closed doors are not the only reported cases, it is also reported that approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate in prison annually. These cases rarely get reported to the public or it takes death to make it into our media stream.
There are a few factors, I really dislike the term "reasons" because there is no reason to actually do it, however there are factors that contribute to this form of behavior.
1. Low self esteem: This is a very common trait in women or men who have been the victim of abuse. They feel as though there is no better person for them, or no one will love them, so they "settle" for whatever kind of attention comes there way.
2. Childhood Abuse: Most abusers have reported being abused themselves, whether physically or emotionally throughout their childhood. Most often than not, they too will repeat the cycle.
3. Alcohol or Drug Addictions: A common factor in some cases is drug or alcohol abuse. If the man or woman that is being abused is addicted to drug and alcohol, the low self esteem factor will set in and contribute to this behavior. Rage and anger associated with drugs and alcohol play a large part as well, on either side of the crime.
These are just a few of the factors that contribute to domestic violence. One thing I would like to remind people is that not every person being abused or every abuser is easily recognized. In fact many will never let on that this is a common practice in their homes.
The "girl next door" could very well be the "abused girl next door" and the man sitting in the cubicle next to you at the office, could be preparing for a violent outburst when he arrives home. Domestic violence does not have a familiar face, but it does have patterns.
WAYS TO PREVENT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
If you are in a relationship that does not make you feel safe and secure, this is not a good relationship. Verbal abuse is also abuse.
Forget about the myth that there is no way out, there are plenty of ways out, you just have to want to go. Shelters, Police, Fire Department, even a next door neighbor can help you get to safety.
Realize that you are "better than that". So many times I hear women say, "Well he is nice when he doesn't drink" or "She just has a short fuse". Ladies and gentlemen...wrong!
If you feel your life is in danger while reading this, please refer to a few of the listed organizations that can help you.
http://www.ncadv.org (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)
http://www.womensafety.org (Resource website for women)
http://www.malesurvivor.org (Resource for men only that have been abused)
Call 9-1-1, this number can save your life and remember you do not even have to speak into the phone, just call from a land line and the police dispatcher will have your home address.
What is alarming about this, besides the large number, is that these women and men go back to these abusive partners most of the time. Thirty percent of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year, thirty percent!
Domestic violence is a lot like drug abuse, it is a hard habit to break. Most women and men feel that they are able to change the behavior of their partner. Some feel as though they have "made" their spouse or significant other this way, caused them to be abusive. And many are just too fearful to leave or report it.
Domestic violence is a way for the person to gain authority, to feel in control. What women and men do not realize is that it is their own insecurities that cause this behavior. If you are with a partner that suffered abuse as a child, there is a likely chance that he will abuse you or your children, it is a vicious cycle that left untreated can sometimes become deadly.
Behind closed doors are not the only reported cases, it is also reported that approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate in prison annually. These cases rarely get reported to the public or it takes death to make it into our media stream.
There are a few factors, I really dislike the term "reasons" because there is no reason to actually do it, however there are factors that contribute to this form of behavior.
1. Low self esteem: This is a very common trait in women or men who have been the victim of abuse. They feel as though there is no better person for them, or no one will love them, so they "settle" for whatever kind of attention comes there way.
2. Childhood Abuse: Most abusers have reported being abused themselves, whether physically or emotionally throughout their childhood. Most often than not, they too will repeat the cycle.
3. Alcohol or Drug Addictions: A common factor in some cases is drug or alcohol abuse. If the man or woman that is being abused is addicted to drug and alcohol, the low self esteem factor will set in and contribute to this behavior. Rage and anger associated with drugs and alcohol play a large part as well, on either side of the crime.
These are just a few of the factors that contribute to domestic violence. One thing I would like to remind people is that not every person being abused or every abuser is easily recognized. In fact many will never let on that this is a common practice in their homes.
The "girl next door" could very well be the "abused girl next door" and the man sitting in the cubicle next to you at the office, could be preparing for a violent outburst when he arrives home. Domestic violence does not have a familiar face, but it does have patterns.
WAYS TO PREVENT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
If you are in a relationship that does not make you feel safe and secure, this is not a good relationship. Verbal abuse is also abuse.
Forget about the myth that there is no way out, there are plenty of ways out, you just have to want to go. Shelters, Police, Fire Department, even a next door neighbor can help you get to safety.
Realize that you are "better than that". So many times I hear women say, "Well he is nice when he doesn't drink" or "She just has a short fuse". Ladies and gentlemen...wrong!
If you feel your life is in danger while reading this, please refer to a few of the listed organizations that can help you.
http://www.ncadv.org (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)
http://www.womensafety.org (Resource website for women)
http://www.malesurvivor.org (Resource for men only that have been abused)
Call 9-1-1, this number can save your life and remember you do not even have to speak into the phone, just call from a land line and the police dispatcher will have your home address.
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